Sarcasm Saturday Week 15

Coming soon!

Sarcasm Saturday Week 14

Although most of you enjoy my wise-ass remarks on Saturday, I must confess that there isn't much to report because I didn't end up working last night. I had quite a long day before my shift, but I went to work despite my nauseous feelings I had.

I arrived at work to have my boss ask me why my shirt was wrinkled, so I reply:

"I'm sorry, but I had to choose between ironing my shirt and throwing up," I said.

"Why didn't you call off?"

(Now, this is a dumb question because all of us good servers are scared to call off because we get the third degree every time.)

"It was past the 2-hour mark sir," I said.

"Yeah, well you look pale, go home," he said as he handed me my check-in sheet.

Saved by the puke! I got to go home and finished my porcelain meeting. It was very important. My sweet husband brought me some Sierra Mist and some rice and dry chicken so I could hopefully hold down the fort. And for those that care, I did hold it down finally around 8 o'clock.

No more yucky details. I'm off to work again tonight at 3:45, the magic hour at the restaurant.

More fine things to come...

- Farah

Sarcasm Saturday Week 13

I have two words for you: no stress. Can you believe it? I actually had a Friday night with no stress from crazy guests. The only gripe I have is that we were so slow that the night did drag on for much longer than I would have liked.

I felt like a delicate butterfly. Well, maybe not exactly like that, but it was nice. Aside from my feet aching from sloshing around the restaurant aimlessly, it was alright.


Even though last night was pretty worry-free, you know what that means, right?


It means tonight could be doomed! I already received a call from the general manager asking me to come in an hour early since another college is graduating this weekend, it might be crazy, he said.


Sounds like a joy, and I can't wait. Not.


Anyway, for all those that are enjoying a non-serving weekend, please take an extra few minutes to think of me in my terrible time of need. I dream of the day that I won't work there anymore.


Have some pinot grigio for me!


More fine things to come...

- Farah

Farah Graduates

I did it again! I graduated May 10 with my master's degree in journalism. It was quite funny to me, mostly because I just finished my undergraduate study last May. It was a quick year, but the program was tough.

I'm happy to report that I am still standing and if I may say so, a little bit proud of my achievement.

The following is an account of the momentous occasion:

On the crisp morning of May 10 my close friend Toni arrived at my Syracuse home around 7 a.m. to give me a fabulous graduation do. After my hair was curled and ready, I rushed to slip on my light yellow dress and some 3-inch black heels.

Knowing full and well that I had to get through security checks at the Carrier Dome by 9 a.m., I proceeded up Irving Avenue at 9:05 a.m. Curling hair takes a good amount of time, if you do it right of course.

With my master’s hood from the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications and black cap in hand, I ran up Irving Avenue and then up many steps to the dome. Remember the black heels.

I managed to wave to the three secret servicemen as I hustled to the main security gates. They whispered into their wrists, "Biden en route," as I sprinted by.

Telling me that I just made it, I passed through without a problem and made my way into the dome to join a few other Newhouse classmates.

I finally caught my breath and felt a little relieved, but only for a moment because the excitement of graduating from Syracuse University with a master’s degree in journalism was beginning to kick in.

The procession for the 155th commencement of Syracuse University began promptly at 9:30 a.m. I walked and waved with students of an array of master’s programs. Miraculously, I spotted my husband within the hundreds of faces that were smiling at all of us.

I made my way to my seat as I found myself sitting in the third row from the stage. That’s right; I was a mere 15 or 20 feet away form where the vice president of the United States would be sitting.

After the university chancellor spoke along with a few other scholars, it was time to hear the commencement speech. Vice President Joe Biden opened with a few light-hearted notes as he warmed up the dome.

He gave us a brief history on what it was like to be a student in the college of law and what the outlook was like back then. According to many tragic accounts, the country was suffering the loss of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy, two heroes of Biden.

Much like today, we are faced with war, an economic crisis, environmental issues plauging the future and so many more hardships. Although the general public may agree that these are dire times and probably the worse times to "think big," Biden said it is the perfect time.

I definitely agree. Like many other graduates sitting in the dome Sunday I am on the cusp of a new beginning with a gathering of knowledge and inspiration. Why should we feel like there is no light in near future?

Biden said it many times on Sunday, he is optimistic, and so am I. If we think tomorrow is lost, then what are we doing here? The world is only what we make of it, and if we aren’t making the most of it and working toward what we desire in life, then we may as well just give up.

The talk of the economy has become a constant jabber of statistics and personal testimony, but has the economy ever been perfect? Absolutely not. However, we are no becoming accustomed to blaming the economy for every bad thing that has happened in the last year. I honestly can’t remember what we blamed our problems on before the economy hitch.

Don’t get me wrong, the world is struggling economically as a whole, some places worse than others, but we’re still plugging away and until everything shuts down we should continue to push forward.

People are still furthering their education, like many of us proved Sunday, and others around the world are continuing to buy and sell property, try new occupations and start families. If these events are still happening, we shouldn’t lose hope in a brighter tomorrow for everyone.

More than any other time he has given a commencement speech, Biden said that on Sunday he felt that the graduating class sitting before him was going to truly be a part of the change he and President Barack Obama believe in.

Proud to be one of those sitting before the vice president, I will solemnly do my best to do my part, big or small, in putting the pieces of the American outlook back together.

Congratulations to all the graduates of 2009.

More fine things to come...

- Farah

Sarcasm Monday (A Substitute for Saturday) Week 12

This week was special in the matter that I was attracting "special" people to my table station at the restaurant. And by special I mean incapable of understanding laws or rules. This rare breed tested my patience and my tolerance for stupidity. Sounds like a fun crowd, right? WRONG!

This weekend is graduation and does call for some celebration but not to the point where you and your relatives will be arrested after refusing to comply with a law, an obvious law for that.

So, Friday night I have a mother and father and their two young daughters and the older one's boyfriend. Everyone starts ordering form the pretty bar menu (it's very colorful and alluring, yes) but the girls look so young that I card them and the boyfriend.

The boyfriend hands over his identification and he passes, he's 24 years old. However, the one that looks like she is 16 said she can't find it...so obviously I don't let her order a bar drink. Next, the girl who looks a little older fished through her purse only to tell me that she must have forgot it.

"Sorry, I can't serve you an alcoholic drink," I told the girl.

"But she's graduating this weekend, she's 22," the mother tells me.

"It doesn't matter, I need to check for ID when someone looks under 30 years old."

"But I'm graduating, and my parents are here," the girl said.

"Still, I can't serve you, it's a law and a policy. You and your parents could be arrested and I would lose my job."

"Well we wouldn't want you to lose your job," the mother said with a grin.

After this monotonous conversation, the mother proceeded to order to bar drinks. Hmmm, what do you think that means? Also, I would like to point out that I'm graduating this weekend with my master's...big deal! I wouldn't be able to act like this annoying family either, no matter where I went. I look very young for my age, and believe me I would be carded as well. However, I wouldn't put up a fight if I forgot my license.

I drop the drinks off at the table, and wouldn't you know the stupid family passed each drink that was ordered over to the snippy graduate. Are you serious? No, I'm sorry, are you stupid?

The family thought they were sticking it to me, when the general manager found out what was happening and went over to the table as the two young girls were sipping the drinks.

If you can't guess, the family was insanely rude after that and the drum roll please....a $4 tip for the $150 tab and rude remarks!

Don't be jealous, this is my luxurious life that no one can match. I will recover though, I graduate tomorrow, and if I want a fancy beverage I will remember to bring my license.

What a concept that is.

More fine things to come...

- Farah

Sarcasm Saturday Week 11

Let me paint you a picture:

There is a waitress, a table of four and another table of two.

The waitress, although using her best "waitress smile," is being subjected to high class and dumb questions.

The table of four, consisting of three women and one man, are making it a goal to keep me on my tinytoes. The table of two was two older ladies probably in their 60s. They were very sweet and aware of the situation only inches away from them.

If you couldn't tell, the waitress is me. So, let's cut to the chase, shall we?

I'm finally trying to get a drink order for the fab four when they want to see the lobster tank, which I show them.

"How much is a 2lb lobster?"

"Well, it's between $40 and $50 depending on what else you get."

"I ain't pain' for no $50 lobster. We're not ready."

Keep in mind, I didn't even say my name, or get to ask what they wanted to drink because of the stupid questions. By the way, lobster isn't free.

So, I proceed to get the two ladies started, while "rude beyond rude" says, "Um, excuse me mam aren't you supposed to take our salads orders?"

I excuse myself from the two ladies and try to explain it like they're 5, which is mean because there are 5 year old kids smarter than this.

"Well, we usually take down your order after you get a beverage."

"Oh OK, I was just checking."

After this, I wanted to be so grateful that these people wanted to look out for me and make sure I was doing my job right. Isn't that sweet? No, it isn't.

People like this make me hate this job and make me less fond of the human race.

One last note on this table before I burst in fury: A classic tough table clue is obvious when they ask for a cup of hot water to sanitize their silverware...you know, because theirs is so much cleaner at home.

I rest my tired and worn out case.

More fine things to come.

- Farah